Choices

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." That is not my quote. I didn't write that and I can't remember right now who did, but I've been repeating it to myself for the past several days. I don't know what is going on with me, but I think it may be depression. I'm just having a hard time finding sunshine in my life lately. I'm snappish and angry all the time. I cry for no reason (or any reason) whatsoever. I'm lonely as hell and sad. What is it I need to change? I've been "trying" to cultivate a good attitude, but I know I am falling short by quite a bit. I've been toying with the idea of starting smoking again and that depresses me even more. I think I know what this stems from, it is financial and geographical in nature. I'd like to be able to supplement our income somehow, but every time I want to make the leap, I get too scared and wimp out. Time and money. Money and time. Smoking is not going to help anything, but somehow in the deep recesses of my brain I must think it will. I am going to continue my journey and try to remain hopeful that good things will happen for us, if I just keep on pushing, keep on trying. Its okay for me to feel down, as long as I don't give up. I don't want to hate myself for smoking. I really don't want to have to start all over again. I want to go through the other side of this and the only way to do that is to remain committed. I CAN do this. I AM doing it now. Just keep going Cory. Its my choice and I choose to be free.