I'm not sure if the kind of love I'm craving even exists. In my mind its supposed to be soft caresses and sweet kisses. Its supposed to be mutual respect and admiration. I want it to be genuinely caring, without a thought for what anyone else might think about us. I want to put you right beside me and stand right beside you, through whatever the world throws at us, together. I want to stand up for your rights. I want you to stand up for me. I wanted you to believe in me, just because you love me, even if I was wrong. I want to believe that things will improve, but I haven't seen it yet, so I don't believe. I'm losing hope. I don't think its possible anymore.
Instead of beauty, you try to lure me with sexy. Instead of a caress, I'm getting a slap and a push. Instead of standing beside me, you are hiding behind me and I'm left waiting to see what flavor of pie is going to hit me. At this point I know I'm better off alone. You can't love me the way I need you to. You don't even like yourself, how can you love me? I'm learning how to love myself and it looks like you are jealous. Its an impossible situation and I am tangled. I'm so tired of being me. Having to keep pushing forward. If writing stuff down is supposed to help, then why do I feel so shitty right now? Why am I crying? What good does that do? I need someone, but I don't think it can be you anymore.
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