When I heard the news, I was nude. You were rude about it, too. Robing quickly, I ran outside to see for myself and you were right. It was all over that night. I can't see myself anymore, I've become you.
It doesn't hurt much, but it stings a little. Being you is not something I would choose to do. Why did you do this to me? Why did I let you? As George said, All Things Must Pass and he was right, but I'll never forget how I felt that night.
Burned in my brain, forever to blame, keeping myself sane through the pouring rain. If I caused you pain, I meant to for you have hurt me too and that is how love works, at least for me and you. That makes me feel so sorry, love. I'm sorry. I want that to change. I'm so tired of hurting and hurting you.
We thought we were in love, but really we just loved hurting less together. We thought we were sharing our load, but really we were just dumping it off on each other, not looking back. Looking back now, I see our burdens. I am drowning in them and you are ahead, looking back laughing. Its not funny to me anymore. I don't get how this is funny at all. I guess the joke is on me.
How do we move forward from here? One step at a time, back to trust, back to friends, maybe back to love? I know I still love you, but I already have two children, so I can't love you the same way I did before. I can't be your Mama, too. Maybe we could meet as two wholes instead of two halves. We don't fit the same mold, but maybe, just maybe together, whole, we could forge a new mold that will fit both of us, at the same time, without losing who we are in the process. Can we both fit in there?
You'll never read this, I bet, but that's okay. I do this for me, not you, one of the few things I do for me alone. Just the way you sigh when I hand you a note answers my question. I want someone (you) to want to read me, but I don't want to force you. Read me like a book and tell me how I am, remember that? I know who I am, care to find out? Do you care enough to read me and really find out? Do you? I'm not sure I can hold on that long.
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